That Unending Night

How to deal with certain things

30 April- end of a month, end of a fable. A fable, an anecdote that promised a future till eternity until
reality clashed with it and brought it down. A decade of togetherness could embellish the shine of such a
promise, almost, a perpetual resolve of commitment, that seemed unreal as it was, but the vicious
potion of love brought the magic, it seemed.

Society was ready to be fought against and so were all the other restraint forces. Malady escaped any
attention. The brutality of his essence scored. Unknowingly, the promise joined hands with this solicited
trencher and on becoming one, betrayed the purpose of itself. Malady brought in his favorite
companion, Death.

Love, glorious himself, as he is, seemed irresolute. He failed the test when it mattered most. Ambiguous
it was, unbreakable for some while immensely fragile as a docile house of cards for few unfortunate
others. I was among the few unfortunate others and the promise of my love was shattered by Malady’s
favorite partner in crime, Death.

That night was long. The night was hard. Suddenly I heard a knock on the door. For quite a long time,
the silence inside the room wasn’t violated, even challenged. The silence wasn’t peaceful, though. It was
rather deafening, haunting. A mere, sleepy bulb lighted the room and the chill from the outside
enhanced the vigorousness of the conspiracy that silence plotted against my mind. I was completely
soaked that night into a melancholic disposition. I was drowned, or rather; I drowned myself in the
flavored remembrance of our unfulfilled tale of passion. I was drowned in her and I was in love with the
peace that came even with her mere remembrance. The betrayal that I faced that day from Love and
tonight from Sleep prompted me to contemplate on some of the things of more serious nature
pertaining to life. My very existence, among the existence of the whole of the life forms in this planet
was brought under an imposing question mark by my contemplations. Things buried deep into the sands
of time dug themselves up and created illusions in front of me. Sometimes happy, sometimes sad while
the rest of the time plain warm nostalgia.

Images of old acquaintances came up, inciting mellifluous memories while those of effaceable foes
enkindled the sinful spirit of vengeance inside. Time flew me back to those junctures that underlined the
trajectory of my life. I had once been a subject of immense malice from the society since I was a Jew
living in a Christian country. Besides that, I turned out to be the black sheep of my family. Some of the
more understanding elders pitied me and consoled that I was psychologically challenged while my peers
dismissed my innocent ignorant reflexes as my lack of sense- social, civic or academic; it was really their
disposition. I never minded their taunts since I knew that I was created by God for something far
superior. My love had made me strong. She held my hands in times of social and emotional droughts
and we knew that we formed a whole soul together. And today, destiny had snatched her away from
me. In a parallel universe somewhere, the realms of which were yet to be discovered by mankind, she
was lonely of my presence. She didn’t have her with me. We had been separated. Human forces
couldn’t separate us so super human force came on to meet the challenge.

I had always believed that the Earth was the only planet where life existed. The concept of aliens was
thus only a faint textbook theory to me. It had no chance to be applicable to the great big world that we
lived in. Religion was only a book of codes created by imagination. To me, just the codes were important
and I felt no need to connect it with an arbitrary God who is supposed to watch over us. The prophets,
to me, were wise men who taught us the essential values of judgment and logic. I was an atheist for all I
knew. And thus, there was no apparent reason for me for ghosts to exist as well. There was no reason
why ghosts should haunt and our insignificant lives.

Tonight was different. Insomnia and nostalgia had joined hands and a unique sense of haunt paralyzed
me.

I heard a knock on the door once again. I was scared this time. I had never faced scare before that was a
product of any spectral activity. Of course I was scared when the crusaders launched their movement of
uprooting us, Jews. I was also scared of my life ahead when my loving father had abandoned us here and
gone on to the universe of death. This scare was different. The curtains on my windows danced to a
rhythm and the air outside hummed a dulcet melody. The hour would certainly not bring a friend or a
guest to the door. Things were obviously not going well for me. I was a lonely soul and it would certainly
have been rather pleasing if there was a knock on the door at any other time of the day. A knock would
mean company and for company I longed. I wondered who that could be outside.

Ghosts? No, they did not exist.

Spirits? No, their existence was also under a gigantic question mark.

Was this the Raven, the creation of Edgar Allan Poe? Had the mysterious creature that only said
‘nevermore’ set free from the pages of literature and come to meet me at this dark hour? My mind had
clearly diverted from reality. I had been soaked in the realms of imaginative quests. I wanted to bring
myself to sense and struggled for it. My mind decided to mutiny against me. He came up with, ‘wasn’t
literature the mirror of the society?’ It was a valid argument. The mystery could only be unveiled if I took
the courage of opening the door. To do that, I dared not.

I flew back to the time when one day I was being brutally tortured by my peers at school. That day was
not an exception, though. Exception was when I skipped their brutality for a day or two. That day, when
I had already received my dose of thrashing, someone from the superior group abused me. Abuses
didn’t hurt me very often and it was very regular that abuses were hurled at me. But something that day
had pissed me off immensely. I slapped the brute on his face and this reaction stunned them all. They
could not believe what had just happened. Neither could I. My victim (at last I had one, it seemed) was
piqued. I myself did not know what to feel. I just stood there preparing myself for his next move. He
wanted revenge. He chased me and I ran. We kept running.

Soon I was gasping for breath but I could not dare to stop or even pause for a second. My pursuer was
not going to stop for me and I knew that very well. I was running for my life and he was running for his
honor. Neither of those things were surrender able. I climbed over an old rusted iron gate and he
followed me into it. The rusts were sticking out and looked tremendously devilish. It was as if they were
the devil’s arms. My pursuer had a bulky body and he struggled to climb the gate. Yet he did not give up
and while he reached the top and tried to bend over a pointed edge pierced his belly.
The sky roared with his sound of agony. I stopped on my tracks to look at him. He was bleeding badly.
He shouted for help and help was far from him. I trembled at the sight. I wondered what to do. I was
afraid. I decided to run. And so I did. I ran faster than I had been all this time and a sound of agony
resided into the background. No more sounds came any more. He did not have any more strength in him
to utter a sound. I knew that I was safe.

Having cooled myself down, after a while, I thought that he really needed me for him at that instant. I
heard the next day that he had died on that gate. No one knew his secret but me. This incident had
haunted me for years which I slowly, with all these passing years, had come to subdue. Yet the memory
came back with a thump.
The knocks grew louder this this time. Someone, it seemed, was thudding against my door. He had
waited for long and this reaction from him was natural. I was not in a position to entertain this guest,
whoever he was. I was afraid. I realized that I was shaking. Sweat bids had formed on my face and neck
and I had goosebumps on my skin. Yet, I knew that I had to open the door now. I had to be a man for
once. It must be him, I thought; he must have come to take his revenge for that day. Or could it be my
gentle lover who had remembered me all of a sudden and came out from her new abode on a parole to
spend some time with me? Was it love or was it hatred and vengeance that knocked at my door?
I mustered all my courage and went ahead and after a moment stopped at my tracks and reversed my
direction to grab an iron rod. I needed it as a companion and a symbol of strength. I would fight with it
against whatever surmisive thing that it might be at my door. Even ‘the stately Raven of yore’ would not
be excused, if he had really escaped from the pages of literature and come to pay me a visit. I could not
dare to be the best host at that hour.

I amassed every vestige of courage inside me as I approached the door slowly. I saw more things whizz
pass my inner eye than the number of dreams that I normally see in an entire year. I knew that a slight
miscalculated move would change my life forever (if I were lucky). In case I was not as lucky as I would
have needed to be for the first case to happen, I would have to die that night. I did not want to die. I
beckoned all my might to service and re-gripped the rod. I held it more firmly this time. And now, I
opened the door.

An invigorating splash of chill air embraced me. I looked around hoping to see someone. I could not.
There was no one outside. The ringlet fixed on the door clashed against it and made the knocking sound
and my mind played its tricks on me. The street light guarded the place and ensured that the darkness of
the soul or the outside could not invade into the house.
I went back in and having shut the door bolted it down. I was relieved. The splash of the air had bathed
my soul it seemed and I found myself calm and at rest. My sweat bids vanished and so were the
goosebumps.

The spirit of Solace seemed to have come in and help me fight Insomnia. I was more courageous now
and took up arms (not literally) with my companion to fight off my enemies, Insomnia for the time
being.